Where have you been?
Erm, we went to a birthday party and a wedding.
Why didn't you take me?I would have liked a birthday party and a wedding
I know but you'd have got drunk, eaten most of the buffet, shed or drooled in the rest and then thrown up and left.
Much like the other guests then?
Well, yes........I mean, no, no, of course not. So what did you do with yourself while we were away?
Pretty much all of the above really. The dining room could do with some attention when you've unpacked.